I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
