Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
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