Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
