winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
