She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
