The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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