Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
