alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
