Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
