And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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