Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
worst night to have a conscience
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
