I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I party with great urgency now.
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