We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
