I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
50% drunk capacity currently
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
