yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
