if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
