Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
