So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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