i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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