we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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