your thong is hanging out like whoa
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
