is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
