my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
bring money and cleavage
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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