She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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