She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
