dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
