Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He had one of those small greek statue penises
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
