woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
