I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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