ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
