Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Two words: blizzard sex
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
