I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
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