so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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