gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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