took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
