Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
