I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
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