WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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