dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Randomize
