Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
