I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
