At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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