remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
