i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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