wat bout pragnant strippers??
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
