Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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