For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
