Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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