I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
