my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
