I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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