Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
