My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
