He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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