we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
