oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
