im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
