Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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