Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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