He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
