yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
