I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
