apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
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