I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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