Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
