Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
