You're completely useless in the revolution.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
