he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
