Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
