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i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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