I feel like I'm in dance class right now
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
