Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize