Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
