Screwed.edu
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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