on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize