i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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