I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
So. Much. Porn.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
