And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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