when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
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