i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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