It's Friday. Sex?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
