Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
